Has Technology Made us Too Impersonal?

With all the advances in technology that have been created with the supposed intent to make staying connected easier, are we in fact the most disconnected generation ever? Email, texting and social networks like Facebook and Twitter seem to have been created to compliment human interaction but for some, have evolved into a substitute for it. And without real intimacy these means of communicating often offer the illusion of connection. I actually had a friend, or someone who I thought was a friend, use Twitter to wish me a happy birthday. Really? Nope, this is unacceptable; if we were still in high school, maybe, but as grown ass women um, no. This is when I thought, “What is happening?”

Obviously we are in a culture that has become all too casual, and frankly, lazy. Sending a thank-you note as opposed to an email seems to be a lost art. Texting as opposed to actually making a phone call to chat seems to have become acceptable. (I don’t understand these women out here who allow a man to communicate with them primarily via text and claim to be in a relationship.) People are even using Twitter to propose! (Now if you can’t have that conversation in person, then you clearly don’t understand the magnitude of marriage and have no business walking down the aisle!) Folks have become so attached to the illusion of staying connected through machines that it seems there is no place that is considered sacred. Businesses have put up signs requesting no cell phone use. And for some reason some think its okay to text and do their social networking in church!

Though I believe we are probably experiencing one of the most isolated and loneliest times in human history, people are using the convenience of technology to stay in touch but are actually becoming out of touch with the value of personal interaction. There’s nothing like getting a note in the mail. There’s nothing like hearing a friendly voice on the phone. There’s nothing like getting a hug from a loved one when you meet face to face. We’re living in a culture where the importance of authentic fellowship is fading.

Online Dating

I’m not a fan of online dating. If it works for you (and I’ve heard some nice stories) great! But I do believe that people met and forged relationships before the internet and will continue to do so. There’s an ad for an online dating site that says “1 in 5 relationships start online.” Let’s look at this. First of all given that this is true, this means that only 20 percent of all relationships begin online. That’s not a very high statistic—at least not high enough to convince the single people these sites try to target with scare tactics that online dating will save them from dying alone. (And it's not mentioned whether or not these relationships actually culminate into committed partnerships.) And conversely, this also means 80 percent of relationships begin in person. This suggests that one can in fact find a mate the old fashioned way-by actually getting out there and living life.

I just think online dating allows for the creation of false identities and we have enough people out here posing as someone else right in your face! Yeah I’m biased, and I do know that not all online daters are mouth breathing losers. Everyone has to do what feels comfortable to find love, and finding love is about being open. But I also think it takes more guts, and yes, more vulnerability to initiate human contact. And I think vulnerability is a key factor in why people have become all too comfortable using technology to communicate.

One can hide behind a profile, email, text or tweet. One can hide on the phone too, but at least you can discern a certain level of tone. But bottom line, there’s no substitute for looking someone in the eyes and seeing facial expressions and interpreting body language. Vulnerability can be suppressed for only so long when you’re looking someone in the grill! Nothing can replicate the intimacy that is achieved and vulnerability that is risked from engaging with people live and in person!

So can we please put down the machines and step into the real world? I encourage you (and myself) to periodically resist the convenience of technology and reach out and touch someone.

What do you think about our culture’s use of technology to communicate?

It's All Maya Angelou's Fault! - Fabulous Girl Tired of Being Treated like a Caged Bird!

I went to an event called “Young, Fabulous and Female”, sponsored by online publication The Root and Pepsi We Inspire, a faction of the Pepsi company dedicated to uplifting and empowering women. The event, primarily populated with black women, also featured a panel of black women including a journalist, columnist, actress, model and entrepreneur that was moderated by a morning radio show host. I wasn’t sure what was going to be discussed, but I assumed it would be something about uh, being fabulous-whether that was how to stay fabulous or become even more fabulous. While some of the comments from panelists were insightful, others um, not so much.


Getting Greasy

The panelists discussed the portrayals of black women in the media and the actress said that we (as black women) are responsible for representing ourselves the way we want to be portrayed in the media. So we shouldn’t be out there “cursing out some man in the street”, or pulling off our earrings and greasing ourselves up with Vaseline to get ready for a fight. Excuse me? Um I have NEVER had a street fight. NEVER. And yeah, I’ve had to put it to a brother, but it was always behind closed doors. I thought to myself, “Who is this woman talking to? This is not the chicken head crowd.” I think this actress got us confused with the “inner city” youth she works with in her foundation. In order to be an effective speaker, you need to tailor your conversation to the audience, something I wish another panelist would’ve kept in mind.

Black Women are Broke Cause They Spend too Much Money on Foolishness
 

A number of topics were discussed including the recent article about black women only having a net worth of $100. The columnist made comments suggesting that black women are too materialistic and rely too heavily on high profile purchases to define their self worth. I found this interesting and inaccurate as I sat there in my $20 shoes, holding my purse that was over six years old.

Fortunately the journalist on the panel broke it down. She mentioned the deception of the article as it did not take into account the amount of people said black woman may be financially responsible for given that many black women are supporting multi-generational households, among other factors accounting for this statistic. I damn near pumped my fist!

The Light

As the conversation continued, the columnist kept referring to “the light”. Keep looking for, toward, and to, “the light”. And while searching, reaching and striving for said “light”, she suggested that black women need to get “naked” sans makeup and look at ourselves in the mirror and be real with themselves. About what? I’m thinking “Why is this woman talking to us as if we’re not being authentic in our own lives? Why is she assuming I don’t have "the light"? Why the hell is she assuming ANYTHING about any of us here?” Obviously if I’m at an event called, “Young, Fabulous and Female”, uh, I already think I’m fabulous, and I already have "the light". And I don’t need to be reminded to check for typos in my correspondence.

The purpose of this event is to motivate me to continue to be my best, so don’t talk to me like you’re the enlightened soul on the mountaintop and I’m the peon looking up at you from the valley. It’s not effective and it’s not necessary, and smacks of severe narcissism. Again, this event was not populated with unenlightened “hood rats”. But you know, I’m used to this type of crap. I’ve seen it many times.

It’s All Maya Angelou’s Fault

One of the women I spoke to at the YFF event mentioned that this type of rhetoric is “all Maya Angelou’s fault.” Maya Angelou, with her solemn timbre seems to consistently speak to the downtrodden black woman. I think we’ve moved beyond that.

Yes, things are still tough for a black girl out here, but I believe a lot of us are making significant shifts in our consciousness and don’t need the heavy handed, “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” kind of talk. If you’re going to make any assumptions about me, assume I’m awesome and speak to me in a manner verifying my innate personal power. Because even if I’m not aware of what I’m capable of achieving being treated as if I am will eventually subconsciously undo my self doubt.

So to all the black folks who decide to “give back” and share their take on what it takes to be successful, think about your audience, tailor your message, and if any assumptions are to be made, assume the best. While I thank The Root and Pepsi We Inspire for hosting this event, and did hear a number of positive thoughts, next time I would love for there to be more speakers who believe that I’m already amazing!